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In 2005, artist Christina Symanski fractured her neck diving into a swimming pool. She was pulled out by her boyfriend but has been a quadriplegic since that time.

Symanski continued her art, using her mouth and an iPad. More of her art can be seen here. The effect her injury had on her art is obvious.

She wrote about her experience in her blog, Life; Paralyzed. She also wrote a book about her experience. In April 2011(not posted until December), Symanski wrote a blog post entitled Quality vs. Quantity. In that post, she writes about what quality of life means to her and discusses the importance of having an advanced directive, how she wished she had had one prior to her accident.

"Because I didn't think things through before hand, or have a living will, I created a very difficult life for myself (unintentionally), by having to live within the confines of paralysis. Living with paralysis (at my level-C4/C5 complete) means I have very few options. In order to stay alive, I HAVE to take medications, accept help from others (for EVERYTHING), and tolerate unbearable (to me) treatments, like having an indwelling catheter, and bowel program. I HAVE to do all of those things, just to survive. That doesn't include coping with the loss of freedom, lack of privacy, loss of sensation, loss of dreams, aspirations and having to deal with constant compromise. It also doesn't account for the physical pain, discomfort, and sickness, that comes along with living with paralysis, and ultimately autonomic dysreflexia.

I have come to a point in my own life, where I'm struggling with the question "is this life worth living for ME, or am I just prolonging my own suffering?"

It is a very interesting and well thought out post about her life and the decisions she was making.

Christina Symanski's life made headlines when she died on December 1, 2011 after she decided to stop eating in order to end her suffering.

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Thanks to Drew Rosielle who sent me a link to this video game. I am not big on playing video games. I figure one person in our household (my husband) being obsessed with them is enough. There's just too much action for me, and my lack of hand-eye coordination prevents me from ever being successful when I have tried. This game, To the Moon, is a different type of game and fits right in with other Pallimed topics.

To the Moon is an "indie adventure RPG". (My husband tells me that RPG means role playing game.) In this world, there is a procedure that physicians can do in which they go back into a patient's mind and implant a new memory, thereby giving someone their fondest wish. Or really the false memory of having gotten their fondest wish. The procedure is very risky as pre-existing memories can conflict with the newly planted ones. They only ever do this when someone is on their death bed.

"And if all goes well, they would wake up, having lived the dream life they never had, and embrace a brief moment of blissful fulfillment. Shortly after, they’d draw their last breath."

This game follows Dr. Rosalene and Dr. Watts as they work their way back through the memories of an elderly man, Johnny. The new memories have to be implanted in childhood. Each of Johnny's memories they go through is an interactive scene. Through the memories they try to figure out why Johnny chose this specific wish, to go to the moon.

Below is a trailer for the game.



How horrible is it that one of my first thoughts was that insurance totally wouldn't pay for this.

It sounds like a sweet and interesting game. How interesting would it be to be able to go back through the memories of my patients and see what really motivated them in life and what shaped their dreams. Kind of A Christmas Carol-esque but in third person instead of first.

I haven't had the opportunity to attempt to play it yet but you can purchase it on their website or just download a sample. The game also has a beautiful original soundtrack. Below is the main song, but many of the songs can be heard here.



Thanks again Drew. This was a great find.

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The finale of the reality television show Work of Art: The Next Great Artist aired last week. This show is like a lot of reality shows. The artists are each week given a topic or project to make a work of art. Each week an artist is voted off by a panel of judges. In the finale, the three top artists spent three months creating their solo exhibitions. What I found interesting is that 2 of the 3 shows were partially or completely themed around death.

Young Sun, one of the finalists, show was entitled Bool-sa-jo and was focused around the illness and then death of his father. Written on the exhibit was a conversation between Sun and his mother.

"My sweet bool-sa-jo," she called him. Mom stroked Dad's cheek.
"What does that word mean?" I asked.
"Phoenix," she replied. "He's survived so many operations, strokes, chemo.
He keeps living. That's why I call him that. I think he'll live longer than me!"
Finding a balance between closure and remembrance isn't easy.
Bool-sa-jo at once an epilogue and a tribute to the process of loss and healing amongst family"

Kymia Nawabi, the winner of the finale, had an exhibit entitled Not For Long, My Forlorn. Her work focused around life cycles, including death and life after death. Below is a poem at her exhibit and then a video of Kymia talking about her work.

All in that body
Allin your spirit and soul
What of it next?
More glimmer of gold

Look to the Ouroboros
Its beginnings and ends
Sacred scared warrior
Shed your skin again

Onward and all ways
You fight for the grave
Have great faith in yourself
Cosmic paths are paved

So, no for long my forlorn
For the fight in this life is brief
They sheathe each end
With your spirit, never to sleep



The exhibits can be seen on the shows website here.

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We have done posts that featured unusual cemeteries in the past. I've heard people make comments about where they would want to be buried or the cemetery or plot they picked out. As Amy pointed out in her post, most people pick out there cemetery based on family reasons. A recent NPR story, highlighted a very interesting kind of cemetery for those who choose their cemetery based on their favorite hobby. Sunset Hills Memorial Park in Bellevue, Washington has created a Memorial Golf Park.

The Memorial Golf Park isn't an entire golf course. It is one complete hole including a tee-box, 820-square-foot green, fairway and sand trap. It's the first of its kind.

The concept was developed by Arne Swanson, the market director for the park and a golfer himself. He apparently got the idea when he saw a group of golfers spreading ashes at the golf course. "My thought was that there were likely other golfers who would like to be memorialized amid the surroundings of a verdant, peaceful golf course." He also liked that it would give the families a place they could visit to remember their loved one, not just a random spot in the middle of a public golf course.

As the NPR story pointed out, it seems unlikely this trend will pick up amongst other sports (a tennis player under a tennis court etc.) But it did get me thinking. If you could design your own special cemetery, what would it be?

Thanks to Thomas Quinn who sent me the link to this story.

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Buried in the middle of Pink Floyd's album, The Dark Side of the Moon, I never really paid a lot of attention to this song, The Great Gig in the Sky. I actually always thought it was a bit strange. It has very few words and these are difficult to understand. The only lyrics are spoken:

"And I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it — you've got to go sometime."

Near the end of the song (around 3:30), spoken very, very quietly: "I never said I was frightened of dying." Although song lore states that it is actually "if you hear this whispering, your dying".

The remainder of the song consists of a woman, Clare Tory, wailing to the music.

The song initially started out as organ music accompanied by Bible verses and passages from religious speeches. This earlier version was called "The Mortality Sequence". When they recorded the song, they changed the organ music to piano and worked with various types of sounds for the main "lyrics" such as NASA communications. They finally decided to go with the wailing.

So other than the title, how is this song about death? When Richard Wright was initially writing the sequence, he wasn't thinking death. Some pointed out that the song starts out slow, gets loud and angry then drifts off and this has been compared to death. (I haven't seen a lot of deaths that start out slow then get angry, but the drifting off I can see.) Some have compared the wailing to crying, grief, mourning. Others feel the wailing is supposed to be full of fear, terror. I guess that would refer back to the fear of dying lines spoken at the beginning of the song.

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No, it's not an virtual autopsy. When I first heard the name of this internet company, that was my first guess. Written on the main page of their website is the message "Build your Immortality because Life is worth it". This is a new company which specializes in the "long term preservation of the digital memory of deceased people." Their claim is that their two web applications are "destined to change forever the way people deal with Death." That's a lot to live up to (pun intended).

I-Postmortem recently released I-Memorial.com and I-Tomb.net. I-Memorial is site that allows you to build your own memorial. One can post last messages to family, leave funeral instructions and last wishes. You can actually put up digital copies of wills, insurances policies etc. and have them sent to specific loved ones at the time of your demise.

I-Tomb is meant to be a virtual cemetery of sorts. Family members can put up videos, audio files and written messages in memory of the deceased. A family can just set up an I-Tomb or the I-Tomb can come from an I-Memorial account. How I understood it is that an I-Memorial becomes an I-Tomb once the author has passed. Prior to death the author designates someone to declare them dead (a "Death Declarator"). After declared dead, the personalized messages are sent out to the proper recipients or posted to the I-Tomb, whatever the author specified. The site specifically states that the switch over is irreversible, so I guess make sure someone is really dead before declaring.

This does come at a cost, but not too bad. An I-Memorial account is $120 per year and an I-Tomb is $50 per year. But you can plan ahead and prepay for up to 20 years in advance.

I don't know that this is destined to change how we deal with death but it does seem interesting. The I-Memorial is a bit Type A personality for me. I'm just not that much of a planner. I'm more interested in the I-Tomb/virtual cemetery concept. That is something I can actually see myself doing for a loved one.

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At a recent event, I had the opportunity to watch the documentary, You Just Have to Laugh. This comedic documentary was appropriately put together by a comedian, David Naster. The impetus behind making the film was apparently a show Naster did in a church in Kansas. Afterward, a man came up and thanked Naster, saying that it had been the first time he had laughed since his son had died.

From there, Naster began exploring the topic of how we use laughter to get through the tough times. In his documentary, he interviews many different people in difficult situations, such as a gentleman with MS, a firefighter who was severely burned, people with tourettes syndrome. One interview was of a psychiatrist with a stutter talking about his experiences working a suicide hotline. Another is of a concentration camp survivor talking about the humor they found in the most horrible tasks. (The documentary points out that we may not find all these experiences funny but if it helps one cope with such a horrible situation, it was funny to them.)

Below is a video clip of Naster talking about his philosophy on laughter and death. Working on a hospice team, this really struck a cord with me.



Naster has also written books on this topic, the most recent Is there Laugh after Death? looks at stories of hospice workers and families of dying patients.

While I don't think Naster's documentary is widely available, it appears to be available at his website.

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When I was listening to the newest Red Hot Chili Pepper album, I'm with You, I discovered the song "Brendan's Death Song". The interesting lyrics really caught my attention. "Let me live, so when it's time to die, even the Reaper cries. Let me die so when it's time to live another sun will rise."

Brendan Mullen was a nightclub owner in LA. The Red Hot Chili Peppers credit him with giving the band their start. He was a friend to the band for many years and died in 2009, shortly after his 60th birthday, of a massive stroke.

The day the band found out about his death was the first day of rehearsal with their new guitarist Josh Klinghoffer. From lead singer Anthony Kiedis, "When I got to rehearsal I delivered the news to my band that we had lost this beautiful person. And then we started playing without really talking. Probably the second thing that came out of that jam was the basis for Brendan's Death Song." Kiedis goes on to say that while the song does sound like a death march, they mean it to be a celebration. "My favorite part of the song came much later-which is the bridge section, where it gets quite dark for a moment and there's this feeling of falling into the unknown abyss of dying. So, yes, we lost of good man, but he had a very full life."





Well if I die before I get it done will you decide?
Take my words and turn them into signs they will survive,
Because a long time ago I knew not to deprive.
It's safe out there now your every where just like the sky,
And you are love, you are the lucid dream you are the ride
And when you hear this you know it's your jam it's your good bye

Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the drummer drums he's gonna play my song to carry me along
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the boatman comes to ferry me away to where we all belong

We all cross when we were feeling lost it's just the time.
Kateri cried the day her lover died, she recognized,
Because you gave her a life of real love it's no surprise.
The nights are long but the years are short when you're alive,
Way back when will never be again it was a time.
It's gonna catch you so glad I met you to walk the line.

Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the drummer drums he's gonna play my song to carry me along
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the boatman comes to ferry me away to where we all belong

Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone,
And when the drummer drums he's gonna play my song to carry me along.
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone,
And when the boatman comes to ferry me away to where we all belong.
Let me live, so when it's time to die, even the Reaper cries.
Let me die so when it's time to live another sun will rise.

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah

Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the drummer drums he's gonna play my song to carry me along
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
And when the boatman comes to ferry me away to where we all belong
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone
Like I said you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone

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A few weeks back, when my husband and I were on vacation in London, we came across an interesting tour. There were lots of tours we saw advertised but this actually came highly recommended by friends. It was the Jack the Ripper Tour (there are actually several of them by different companies). It is a nighttime tour that goes through the streets and alleys of the Whitechapel area to sites of the famous murders. We ultimately didn't end up taking the tour. I thought I could go without experiencing London through the eyes of a serial killer. I've never felt the need to stand at the site of a famous murder. But many do enjoy this. This led me to do a little but of research on the topic.

Did you know that for $225-250 you can stay in infamous accused murderer Lizzie Borden's actual bedroom? You can take a tour of the house (now bed and breakfast) and museum. In Chicago, you can take the Devil in the White City Tour, which looks at serial killer Henry H. Holmes. In LA you can take a Helter Skelter bus tour to see the sites of the Manson murders. This Obit Magazine article talks about a Boston tour that plays up the sites of South Boston mob boss James “Whitey” Bulger.

So where does historic interest turn into some morbid type of voyeurism? People visit sites like Auschwitz all the time. I've never really thought twice about this, as it seems like something that needs to be seen. (To me, I guess. Others may think differently.) So what makes this ok and the Helter Skelter Tour seem so wrong? Is it time passing? (How much time does need to pass before it is socially acceptable to start a bus tour?) The historic value of the site? A lesson you might take away?

I know that there are people who are just serial killer and famous murder buffs. Just like my husband loves WWII history and my sister is obsessed with the British monarchy, there are those that just find this sort of thing fascinating. It's a personal taste thing, I suppose. Maybe I just don't get why someone would want to be reminded of such horrible things. Isn't life difficult enough as it is?

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This HBO documentary looks into the life and death of Diane Schuler. In 2009, Diane was involved in a head on collision that killed her daughter, 3 nieces, 3 men in the other vehicle and herself (her son was the only survivor). It analyzes Diane's life through her friends and the hours leading up to the accident through cell phone calls, police, eye witnesses and surveillance video. She had been noted to be driving erratically and then drove the wrong way on an interstate for 1.7 miles. An autopsy of Diane revealed a blood alcohol level of 0.19 and high level of marijuana in her system.

To Diane's grieving husband, she was a perfect wife and mother. He is adamant that she would never have drank while in the car with the children and that the results of the autopsy are false. He has contested these findings even after the discovery of a bottle of vodka in the car. He grasps at any possibility (a tooth abscess she had several years ago causing her to have a stroke which led to her drinking the alcohol by mistake).

What interested me are all of the interviews of the family members on both sides. Her husband, family members and friends reminiscing about the Diane they knew and looking for any answers, any other medical reasons she behaved the way she did. On the other side, the family members of the 3 men killed in the vehicle she hit, angry that her husband continues to deny what the evidence shows. (The parents of the three nieces killed did not participate in the documentary.) It even goes into the grief and trauma of the witnesses to the accident.

Most of what they present is from the view of Diane's husband and sister-in-law. You find yourself wanting to buy into their blind faith in Diane, even though you know what the evidence shows.

The documentary is very well put together. It easily moves from the accident to the distant past to the present. They integrate the medical and other evidence along with psychiatric assessments of the Diane and her family. (The graphic accident photos I could have done without). It's a medical mystery along with a unique perspective on grief. What happens if the person you are grieving is possibly at fault in the loss? Was she really the person that everyone thought they knew?

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I discovered Redemption Song on the Rolling Stone top 500 songs list. It is listed as #66, stuck between #65 Sunshine of Your Love by Cream and #67 Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley. I had never heard it before, as I have never been acquainted with Bob Marley's music.

The song Redemption Song is the final song on Bob Marley's album Uprising, the last album that was released during his life time. (One more album, Confrontation, came out after his death.) The lyrics for the song were taken from a speech given by journalist and orator, Marcus Garvey. "We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind."

At the time Marley wrote Redemption Song, he had already been diagnosed with melanoma. He was already dealing with a lot of pain issues and his own mortality. Many consider it to be a sort of summing up of Marley beliefs and it is considered some of his best work.

Marley died in 1981 at age 36.




Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the Book.

Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you have to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.

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June 25th, 2011 marked the second anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson. I find it very interesting how iconic celebrities like Jackson are commemorated.

The town of Gary, Indiana, Jackson's boyhood home, has promised a yearly tribute to the King of Pop. This outdoor event includes music, vendors and ends in a candlelight vigil at dusk. It's held at the old Jackson family home. On the first anniversary of his death the city unveiled a monument to Jackson.

Jackson's "Thriller" jacket (the red jacket worn in his Thriller video, seen above) was auctioned off for $1.8 million this year on the June 25th. Apparently a portion of the proceeds will go to the Shambala Preserve, home to Jackson's two Bengal tigers, Thriller and Sabu.

But my absolute favorite way that Jackson was commemorated was various dancing flash mobs. (Flash mobs have made the news a lot lately as there are apparently stealing flash mobs where a group mobs a store and just walks out with merchandise.) These are large groups of people getting together and suddenly breaking into dance. Since his death, these have occurred all over the world from China to Mexico. The video below was taken in Stockholm, Sweden in the weeks after Jackson's death. I found it impressive.



The video below was in San Francisco, this year.

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Breaking Bad is an AMC television show that I recently discovered. It is starting it's fourth season this summer, so it's not a new series. But after I watched most of the first season, I knew it had to be a post.

Walter White is an over qualified chemistry teacher with a 15 year old son with cerebral palsy and a wife who is 7 months pregnant. He discovers that he has terminal lung cancer. Knowing his time is likely short (I think 18 months is what was mentioned in the show). He sets out to make money to pay for expensive treatments to support his family after his death. He does this by joining with a former student, putting his chemistry knowledge to use, to make meth.

Overall the show is a drama with a lot of drug dealing and violence. Walter turns out not to be the mild mannered chemistry teacher type. But I found the cancer angle to be very interesting. There are some very interesting palliative care type scenes. Early on in the show (Season 1) Walter was refusing to talk about treatment. His family had an intervention to discuss his choices with him.

I wasn't able to find the exact clip of his intervention but below is a "Minisode" (essentially the highlights of season 1 episode 5). The scene starts at 3:18. It isn't the complete scene but hits most of the key points. Marie is Walter's sister-in-law (who is actually a doctor) and Hank is her husband (who is a DEA agent, the plot thickens). Please forgive the brief advertisement.



Here is a clip of series creator Vince Gilligan talking about how emotional this particular scene was to make.




I love the talking pillow. Hmm, may use that in a family meeting. I really like the speech Walter gives at the end. Choosing to do nothing is itself a choice and was actually a much more thought out one than his family anticipated. While I wouldn't really call this series completely palliative care, it is an excellent drama with excellent acting.

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This post topic came to me thanks to my Google alerts (a way you can get email updates on your choice of topic). It's a great way to get updates on topics you are interested in without having to periodically Google them.

Fereydoun Ave, a modern Iranian artist recently displayed his newest works, entitled "Recent Works" at the Khak Gallery in Tehran. Ave's work before this had included collages that merge the figures of Iranian wrestlers with ancient reliefs of Persian kings and warriors. He had focused a lot on ancient masculine figures. So what does this have to do with palliative care, you may ask?

This show marks a departure from Ave's earlier work. This show illustrates his own personal history after surviving a long illness. I couldn't find exactly what his long illness was (the doctor in me sooo wanted to know). I only found that this work is meant to tell that story.

Ave's latest show includes 11 mixed media pieces and 7 sculptures. "Each of the mixed-media works begins with haphazard schemas and splashes of watercolor. The artist then prints familiar snapshots of daily life. Finally he over-paints them with new watercolor splashes." His sculptures have an archaeological feel to them.

I leave the interpretation of modern art up to the reader. Ave doesn't provide any explanation for each piece. His different pieces show flowers, a world map with superimposed flowers, a photo of a chair by a window with blinds, a chalice, and a family portrait. I would be interested to know what you think.

More of Ave's work can be seen here at the Khak Gallery website.

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On May 4th 2011, Derek Miller, writer/editor/blogger, posted his last post on his blog. Miller had been blogging since 2000 on the website penmachine.com. In 2007, he was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer and he often blogged about his cancer and treatment.

In a post entitled "The endgame", in November 2010, Miller writes about the discussing his prognosis with his physician:

It's good that Thursday, November 25, wasn't Thanksgiving Day in Canada (it was in the U.S.), because that's when I found out. Doctors are notoriously reluctant to predict life expectancy, and for good reason—they're often wrong. But, with my wife Air in the exam room at the B.C. Cancer Agency with me, I drew it out of my oncologist, Dr. Kennecke.

"Do you expect I'll still be alive to visit you here in two years?" I asked, straight up.

"Honestly, no," he said.

There was more to it, of course, but that was the moment. It was no surprise.

He ends the post "I'm not ready to die just yet, but I'm ready to prepare for it. Off we go."

Miller died on May 3rd, 2011. He wrote his last post before he died and had friends post "The last post" on May 4th. It begins "Here it is. I'm dead, and this is my last post to my blog."

It's a sweet but sad read. Miller talks about his wife and two daughters, his experience dying, his views on the afterlife. Miller is a very talented writer and I'm sure this last post will be cherished by his family. What is sad is that the comments on the post really focused on Miller's views of the afterlife (he doesn't believe in one) rather than his beautiful last message to the one's he loved.

The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don't look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same.

What is true is that I loved them. Lauren and Marina, as you mature and become yourselves over the years, know that I loved you and did my best to be a good father.

Airdrie, you were my best friend and my closest connection. I don't know what we'd have been like without each other, but I think the world would be a poorer place. I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you.

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I've been looking for a good blues song to post. I found it in an unusual place. The White Stripes (a rock group) do a cover of the song "Death Letter" (also called "Death Letter Blues". This song was originally performed by American blues singer Eddie James "Son" House. (Apparently House greatly influenced their music and they dedicated their first album to him.)

"Death Letter" is a song about a man who receives a letter that his love has died. He doesn't realize how much he loves her until he sees her being . He goes home grief stricken and missing his love. He then decides he needs to change his way of living so he "don't have to cry no more." I think the death, grief and regret aspects do well sung to the blues.

Interestingly, I found several different lyrics for this song. The ones below don't completely match the song performed below. Apparently House would often change the tempo and lyrics of his songs and would even perform the same song more than once in the same concert. The lyrics are apparently a long version of the song. If you are interested in hearing The White Stripes version, there is a video here which is quite good depending on what you like.





I got a letter this mornin how do you reckon it read?
It said Hurry, hurry, yeah, your love is dead
I got a letter this mornin I say how do you reckon it read?
You know it said Hurry, hurry, how come the gal you love is dead?
So I grabbed up my suitcase and took off down the road
When I got there she was layin on a coolin' board
I grabbed up my suitcase and I said and I took off down the road
I said but when I got there she was already layin on a coolin' board
Well I walked up right close looked down in her face
Said the good ol' gal got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day
I walked up right close and I said I looked down in her face
I said the good ol' gal she got to lay here 'til the Judgment Day
Looked like there was 10 000 people standin' round the buryin' ground
I didn't know I loved her 'til they laid her down
Looked like 10 000 were standin' round the buryin' ground
You know I didn't know I loved her 'til they damn laid her down
Lord have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby for my weight in gold
I said Lord have mercy on my wicked soul
You know I wouldn't mistreat nobody baby not for my weight in gold
Well I folded up my arms and I slowly walked away
I said Farewell honey, I'll see you on Judgment Day
Ah yeah oh yes I slowly walked away
I said Farewell, farewell, I'll see you on the Judgment Day
You know I went in my room I bowed down to pray
The blues came along and drove my spirit away
I went in my room I said I bowed down to pray
I said the blues came along and drove my spirit away
You know I didn't feel so bad 'til the good ol' sun went down
I didn't have a soul to throw my arms around
I didn't feel so bad 'til the good ol' sun went down
You know I didn't have nobody to throw my arms around
I loved you baby like I love myself
You don't have me you won't have nobody else
I loved you baby better than I did myself
I said now if you don't have me I didn't want you to have nobody else
You know it's hard to love someone that don't love you
Ain't no satisfaction don't care what in the world you do
Yeah it's hard to love someone that don't love you
You know it don't look like satisfaction don't care what in the world you do
Got up this mornin' just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where she used to lay
Got up this mornin' just about the break of day
A-huggin' the pillow where my good gal used to lay
Got up this mornin' feelin' round for my shoes
You know I must-a had them old walkin' blues
Got up this mornin' feelin' round for my shoes
Yeah you know bout that I must-a had them old walkin' blues
You know I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin' so I don't have to cry no more
You know I cried last night and all the night before
Gotta change my way a livin' you see so I don't have to cry no more
Ah hush thought I heard her call my name
If it wasn't so loud and so nice and plain
Ah yeah
Mmmmmm
Well listen whatever you do
This is one thing honey I tried to get along with you
Yes no tellin' what you do
I done everything I could just to try and get along with you
Well the minutes seemed like hours hours they seemed like days
It seemed like my good old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways
Minutes seemed like hours hours they seemed like days
Seems like my good old gal outta done stopped her low-down ways
You know love's a hard ol' fall make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes leaves you feeling sad and blue
You know love's a hard ol' fall make you do things you don't wanna do
Love sometimes make you feel sad and blue

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61 year old jewelry maker Susan Braig was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. Braig had private insurance but was under-insured and left many thousands of dollars in debt. She found a unique way to combine her illness and her art to help pay off her medical bills.

In 2007, Braig went to a medical themed art exhibit and got the idea to use her own leftover pills in her jewelry. "I bought my first round of medicine and it cost $500 out of my own pocket," she said. "I looked at the drugstore receipt and then at the little pills and wondered if they were precious gems." One of her first pieces was a princes tiara made from her cancer medications. Now Braig gets old medications donated to her by friends to transform into her jewelry art. She launched a line of jewelry called Designer Drug Jewelry.

My first thought, is this even legal? Apparently, she seals the pills so that they are unusable. (I wonder if she has rules about what pills she uses, like no Schedule IIs.) As she uses pills and gel caps, some of the jewelry is very fragile and heat intolerant. She uses old medication bottles and with cotton balls to package her jewelry.

I was intrigued by the story because I liked the symbolism. She has turned her old medications into "precious gems". Turning somethings that are likely symbols of her illness into something very unique and beautiful. I never saw pills, with all their different colors and shapes, as beautiful before. (I guess that's why she's the artist.) Also it just amuses me to see a necklace with "Zofran" written on it. Apparently her Viagra necklaces are quite popular.

Braig's story was recently featured in the LA Times which is where I found it. She has also been on NPR in the past, talking about her cancer debt and being under-insured.

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Some time back I blogged on Memorial Quilts (specifically the AIDS Memorial Quilt). I recently discovered another quilting project meant to bring awareness to Alzheimer's disease. The Alzheimer's Quilt Initiative was started in 2006 to not only raise awareness but to help fund research.

This month, the Initiative is kicking off it's 5 year traveling quilt exhibit, "Alzheimer's Illustrated: From Heartbreak to Hope". The show is made of of 182 "Name Quilts" (a section is pictured to the right) that are 6 inches long and 7 feet tall. Each is made up of 55 patches sewn with the wrong side of the fabric to the outside, each with a name of someone who had or has Alzheimer's disease or dementia. (The fabric is on the wrong side to give it a more worn look.) There are over 10,000 names to represent many many more who have the disease.

Along with the Name Quilts, there are 55 smaller art quilts that represent some aspect of Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, the names and artists of these quilts were not on the website. The images are spectacular. The quilt at the top left shows a pair of footprints walking off into a forest. The image under it is a representation of the brain of the Alzheimer's patient and to the right represents the degeneration of neurons.

One of my favorite quilts (to the right) shows a gentleman in a purple top hat and bow tie locked away. It demonstrates a very interesting personality, held captive.

The Senior Prom quilt shows an elderly couple dancing. The quilt on the bottom right shows a couple walking down an empty hallway toward an Exit sign. The bottom left is a colorful image of a butterfly taking off.

Being from a family of quilters, I'm always amazed at the amount of work and time that goes into every quilt, but these are truly works of art. They take the folk art type media of fabric and quilting and make fine art. The artists can paint such beautiful works with fabric. And each work seems to be significant to the life and experiences of the artist.

The Art Quilt Initiative's has another project, Priority: Alzheimer's Quilts. They collect small 9" X 12" quilts donated to them and sell or auction the quilts off to support Alzheimer's research. Some of the quilts are Alzheimer's themed but most are not.

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Summer is late, my heart.
Words plucked out of the air
some forty years ago
when I was wild with love
and torn almost in two
scatter like leaves this night
of whistling wind and rain.
It is my heart that's late,
it is my song that's flown.
Outdoors all afternoon
under a gunmetal sky
staking my garden down,
I kneeled to the crickets trilling
underfoot as if about
to burst from their crusty shells;
and like a child again
marveled to hear so clear
and brave a music pour
from such a small machine.
What makes the engine go?
Desire, desire, desire.
The longing for the dance
stirs in the buried life.
One season only,
and it's done.
So let the battered old willow
thrash against the windowpanes
and the house timbers creak.
Darling, do you remember
the man you married? Touch me,
remind me who I am.

Thanks to Catherine Ellsworth for sending me a link to this poet