So first a disclaimer. This is entirely my opinion. It is possible that someone may very well think that my least favorite funeral songs are their favorites. (I would love to hear which ones you like/dislike and why.) We have several times done lists of top movies and music we liked, so I figured I would hit on a list of dislikes.

When I was trying to think of why I liked some songs at funerals and not others, there are a few elements of the songs that seemed to sway me. 1. Do I actually like the song (of course)? 2. What is the intent of the song? 3. What thoughts does this song conjure up when I hear it?

These are songs that I have actually heard at funerals. So, in no particular order:

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-I actually do like this song as far as songs go. I don't think it is too emotionally heavy. My issue with it is that every time I hear it I think of Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. And then the next song that pops into my head is... Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. I've heard it at funerals a couple times and it just doesn't put me in a very funeral mindset.

Memory-I don't particularly like this song, but I dislike it for funerals for a similar reason as the above. Every time I hear it I think of dancing people dressed up as cats. Again, weird mindset for a funeral.

Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Wariner-First I'm not a huge country fan but that is not why I don't care for this one. I put this in a group of songs that I consider to be emotional torture. They are the songs that you just know you will get people crying with. If the purpose of a song is to make people more sad and crying, why would you play it at a funeral where people are already sad and crying. (Again, completely my opinion.) If I'm going to cry at a funeral I think it should be for the person who has died, not for the manipulative song.

But in the end, it doesn't really matter what I or anyone else thinks. Writing this post, I looked through a lot of lists of music that are put out as suggestions for funeral songs. Disturbingly, the song my husband and I danced to at our wedding was on a list (Never Tear Us Apart by INXS). I think this just shows that songs take on different meanings to different people. If it gives you peace to play Another Bites the Dust at a loved ones funeral, then I think you should.

Departures (2008) is a Japanese film that is a must see for those in the palliative care field. I first learned of it from a family member of a patient I was caring for. The son felt it so necessary that I see the film that he acted out part of the movie, dropping to his knees to act out a scene while I was rounding.

Bringing food to neighbors or friends after a death is a custom still seen as a part of our grieving practices. It may have started with the ancient rituals of bringing food for the deceased. In Egyptian history it was expected that the dead were given bread, beer, birds and beef. Even now, in Tibet, at all the Buddhist monasteries you will find piles of food gifts for the former Lamas.

At a gathering recently, mentioning someone's wake that was upcoming, a friend blurted out, "Doesn't that term come from the superstition that someone could "wake" up, having been mispronounced dead?" As the supposed expert on death lore, all turned to me for the answer...which I really didn't know. Thus, a post was born. I thought we could look at some common phrases we use and find out what's really behind it all.

Let's start with the Wake Ceremony. This is a time before the burial that friends and family gather. Originally in the home of the deceased, though now often in funeral homes and churches. Although sometimes only a viewing, it is often a mixture of mourning and celebrating the life of the deceased. Why do we call it a "Wake"? The word derives from anglo-saxon origins meaning "to watch or keep vigil". It was important to have someone with the body, partly to protect from animals and other pests, as preservation methods weren't like they were today. As for this idea that "wake" derived from a belief that someone might wake up - NOT TRUE.

This idea of being mispronounced dead must be widley prevalent, with the belief that the term Dead Ringer comes from a string attached to a bell placed on a corpses foot or wrist that would ring if the person was really alive. This is another misnomer and is NOT TRUE. Dead Ringer is used to mean "exact duplicate", but what's the root of the words? Ringer was first used in the late 1800s to describe a horse used as a substitute to fool bookies and throw races. As for the word dead, well it does have more meanings than the cessation of life. Another meaning for dead is exact or precise, as in "he's a dead shot". So in this case the word dead ringer literally means exact duplicate.

Along those lines, people often think that the term Graveyard Shift comes from people actually sitting aroung waiting for one of those bells to ring indicating someone was buried alive. Again, NOT TRUE. There were caretakers for the grave sights, but their watchfulness was for grave robbers.

Here's an interesting one; Kick the Bucket. This is often thought to have roots from the idea that someone would stand on a bucket to hang themselves and need to kick the bucket out of the way at the end. NOT TRUE. The word bucket actually used to mean beam or yoke, to carry items/animals. In fact, when animals were hung to slaughter, the wood frame used was called the bucket. Often as the animals died, in their final spasm they'd quite litterally "kick the bucket".

Ever wonder about Six Feet Under ? Well this one is TRUE. We often use the phrase as a synonym for death. Most believe it comes from the practice of burying people six feet underground. But where did it orginate from? It seems like this one came from the time of the plague. The Lord Mayor of London set rules with the outbreak of the plague in 1665, stipulating that bodies must be burried six feet underground to reduce the spread of disease. Is this still true today? Absolutly not. Each state sets it's own rules now on minimum depth to bury. For example, in California, you only need 18 inches of dirt.
Let's conclude with the Tombstone. I was surprised to find that many believe the origin of the tombstone came from a fear of spirts/ghosts. In order to weigh the soul or ghost down, heavy stone markers were used...leading to the modern day tombstone. Sorry to say, this is NOT TRUE. The idea of marking a grave with stone actually appears early in the bible. In the very first book, Genesis 35:20, Jacob erects a memorial to his deceased wife in the form of a pillar. This idea of honoring the deceased with a marker of some sort in quite ancient and prevelent in most societies.

If you know of more quirky lore, please share. Otherwise it's up to us to set the story straight when we hear these urban legends.